so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
