better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
