Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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