I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
