All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
