Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
