never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
