life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
