I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
