He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
