No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
