wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
