I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
