**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
