As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Are we still banned from the library?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
