you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
