he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
