Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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