...so i touched it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
