And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
