Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
