This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
