Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
