I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
