You smell like a Billy Joel song
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
