apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
