you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
