I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
