Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
