actually, I'm a sock model
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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