We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
