I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
