it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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