She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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