Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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