yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
