One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
no you cant smoke seaweed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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