this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
