FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
