Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
