he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
