just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
