he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
