If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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