The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
