jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
