You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
