he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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