so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
