The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
